These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
