she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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