Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
