Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize