Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
