As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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