Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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