She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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