Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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