I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
foreskin is a definite game changer
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
