# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
