dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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