I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
