Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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