I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize