you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize