In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
