i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
worst night to have a conscience
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
