I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
