I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just found puke in my bra..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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