i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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