dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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