why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
