Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
