You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize