Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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