i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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