things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
