I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
