I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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