so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
third nipple confirmed
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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