i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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