you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
