I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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