i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i think my cat just said my name.
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