my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
