I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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