Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
