Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
