I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
