he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
