And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
