it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
