I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
