She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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