well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
