Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
