went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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