This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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