I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
