I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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