I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
