Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
