yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
two words...techno handjob
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
send nudes
from the living room?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
