I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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