no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize
