I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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