Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Randomize
