So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
