I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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