Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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