So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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