remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
