I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The uberlube is also flammable
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
