there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
