lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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