we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
