You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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