I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
