His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
