Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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