apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
