idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
