and my herpes radar will keep us safe
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
