Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
