im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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