Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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