I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
