I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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