Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
