I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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