thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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