ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
