I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
