Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
