Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize