I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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