so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
