I got chris browned last night
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
