I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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