u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize