sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
