Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
