tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
