Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
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