I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
