***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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