cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
what day is it and did you see me today?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just invented taco cereal.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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