My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
