so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
