A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
