You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
