We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
dude. I can hear the air.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
