____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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